Coffee in Heaven You’ll be greeted by a nice cup of coffee when you get to heaven and strains of angelic harmony. But wouldn’t you be devastated if only they serve decaffeinated while from the percolators of hell your soul was assaulted by Satan’s fresh espresso smell? John Agard | A Hand in the Bird I am a maiden who is forty, And a maiden I shall stay. There are some who call me haughty, But I care not what they say. I was running the tombola At our church bazaar today, And doing it with gusto In my usual jolly way… When suddenly, I knew not why, There came a funny feeling Of something crawling up my thigh! I nearly hit the ceiling! A mouse! I thought. How foul! How mean! How exquisitely tickly! Quite soon I know I’m going to scream. I’ve got to catch it quickly. I made a grab. I caught the mouse, Now right inside my knickers. A mouse my foot! It was a HAND! Great Scott! It was the vicar’s! Roald Dahl |